I hate when people tell me how I should be. How I should feel. No one has any fucking right to tell me anything if they’re going to contradict themselves. I’m sorry but don’t tell me I’m ‘allowed’ to be a certain way. People can give it all but can’t take it. I just want to go home. I’m sick of having to smile everyday but everyones allowed to be upset. When I am angry or upset everyone makes a massive deal because I’m being mean or ‘Why should you be upset? You never get upset? I don’t like it.’ I don’t have the perfect life all you fuckers think I have. Just because I don’t cry about it like you all fucking do doesn’t mean everythings perfect.
Finding out that you death is near isn’t really something I want to be smiling about. I’m not coping well so thank you universe for making everything easy, everyone so nice. Bull shit.
I’m confused, lonely, angry, sad… Maybe this is a good thing and I just don’t know it. Maybe a lot of good will come out of me not being here. Allah does everything for a reason, there is a purpose. Life isn’t as easy as we all think it is. People need to learn to appreciate it. Don’t cry, don’t be upset… Be happy. We get one chance to make the most of it. I will try and write as often as possible so people will remember me, for not who they saw me as, for the girl who always tried to be happy.
Be happy. Or try to be. A broken smile is better than no smile.